contemplate,
contridiction,
controversy,
leads to tragedy.

this are all what is happening to my life now. it doesnt sound serious aye? but deep down inside it is being smashed deeply.

Lets talk about friendship. What does friendship truly mean to you? Just to have accompany? to some ppl, friendship is someone there who would talk to you while you're bored, be there when you need someone, someone to cheer you on when you're sad. But what appears on the covers might be the surface. what matters more are actions and how friends try to maintain the friendship and to stand by you no matter what.

i thought i felt that. really. but its quite empty now. i thought i had the best of a friend. i felt really confident of myself cause i have them. but oh well, friends come and go? why is it that some bitchified friendship could last longer then a friendship that is plain? its weird. i'm scared of making friends. really. i thought when i lost my friends, thats the end of me. the thought of ending it all at once came across my mind. but i told myself i couldn't. i thought i went mad when i heard more intrusions. luckily i closed my eyes really hard and everything flash pass and i decided to live. it was a painful struggle.

i'm not gonna be bothered by what bitches say or how they are gonna look at me. I'm gonna prove them wrong. even though i might not be hanging out with a steady bunch yet. i want to prove to them i'm strong and i can pass this test. i would try everyday to give the best smile to show i'm happy and i'm fine.

today i felt really good. i still feel there are ppl there who cares. but i felt a moment of anguish when my friend looked at me-as if pitying me-and walk off with another group without saying anything. its like, behind the scenes its fine, but when we face reality, i cant say that we're best of friends. it saddens me. but oh well, life still goes on. through this battle within myself and them, i must keep trying.

its true that i never felt so lonely in my life before. i've lost my appetite and i kept thinking of it. but thanks to god, i'm finally standing up again.

hope things would be all round well again. and i cant wait to leave the sch, with happy and sad memories. goodbyee.