another intense day had gone past. i felt certain today that i could handle the english teacher fairly well. but when i saw the paper, i had to knock my head to see whether i was in a dream, and that i could wake up and see a new question! but you see, i wasn't in a dream, it was true. MY o level question is there lying infront of my screwed face. damn.

what i expected to come out didnt come out. instead, they asked about the writer's work. OMG. i felt a perculiar sense of blankness in me and i was frowning. i paced back and forth about the questions. and after a whole good fifteen minutes, i decided on the question. but gosh, that fifteen minutes was wasted. down to the drain. ):

yes. i'm utterly upset. indeed,i'm overwhelmed by a sense of self-pity. uhh. but its all over. there goes the wings of my A's. my shiny lil A's.

i guess my expections for myself is not what others expect of me. i aim high and to soar. To be the best. i think it's because i want a sense of satisfaction and pride for myself. i dont want my father to think i'm stupid and i would go to ite. He always looks down on me, putting my self- esteem down, as usual.

intially, i couldnt take the stress that i faced at home. to be always hurt by my father's harsh words. he had never once considered my feelings. he shoots whatever he felt like saying to bring me down, hoping to see me in lamentations. But i never fail to keep my face up. i want to prove to him. I AM someone who is useful and i want to be someone whom he'll be impressed with.

i guess thats really one motivation that keeps me going. to be the best and to keep his mouth sealed tight. i love my dad. but all he thinks of me, is that i'm a person who is filled with rudeness and with of no intellegence. sigh.

okay. lets not dwell into that matter anymore. as long as i keep myself cheerful to keep in good health! (:

had a row with bing today over unimportant matters again. but oh well, i just have to be tolerant. and BAM, the matter is gone and the bright sun is up again. (:

i <3 you*

beckk

loving you long time 11:29 PM