oh, it just goes, on and off, on and off. i loathe it badly. if only my heart could chose to love and not to! why do relationships always start off so sweet and romantic and all that arse. but when it starts to become years, oh man, that's when it's so hard to maintain! seriously, i do love being in love. but it sucks when something gets fuck up and that's it. arghh!!!!

okay, besides that point. for today, i had fun with my family. went for a swim at my cousin's house and in fact, i do feel refresh. it feels really good when you're down, you just pop your head in the water and close your eyes. i dont know how long i stayed in the water, but i did held my breathe for such a long time! i thought about this and that. first, i thought bout bing, later, friends and lastly, sch! how much i miss all these. i didnt treasure my friends that is why they are now gone. with my persistant attitude, now i really start to ponder why it is so difficult being my friend. ):

my heart is broken. my brain cant seem to think of anyone to talk to. i'm sure time would heal all these wounds! but i really wonder how long! maybe being alone would give me some time to reflect for all the mistakes i've made. i met damala from my class not long ago, she didnt even give me a glance or a chance to say a proper hi. i mean we're still classmates afterall. oh well, maybe i did too many bad things. i admit i had a silent protest. (: OH WELL!

now my appetite has faded once again. my stomach is growling and i'm eating oranges. oh what torture! go away, go away. i hate myself.

beckk.

loving you long time 11:42 PM